i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
