Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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