I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize