She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
