Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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