i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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