I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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