You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
