At least make sure they are 18
Why
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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