Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
