Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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