She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
