i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
