She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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