He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
