dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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