I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize