my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
