Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
