mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
