i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
