jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
