she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize