I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
