That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
