She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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