I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
