Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
