omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize