I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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