When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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