I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
