I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My vagina is officially offended.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
