I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
