At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
