just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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