he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
