My friends, they love my intelligence
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
