I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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