??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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