I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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