talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
