I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
