Don't you send me to vm
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
