Christians are straight up FREAKS
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
do nipples grow back?
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