Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
