Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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