I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
