Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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