On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize