eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
