I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Randomize
