I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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