he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
