If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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