Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
