Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
