Betty ford says i'm here all night
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
