knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
