the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
