Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
