you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize