you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
