i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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