We're facebook friends in real life
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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