whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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