So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
