I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
