DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
