last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
