I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
