apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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